Respect, or Something Like That
by LexaRose
Summary: warnings: shounen ai, introspection. Ryoma thinks about what it takes to respect a person, and how respect can change into something more. TakaRyoma


**Title:** Respect, or Something Like That  
**Author:** LexaRose   
**Pairing:** RyomaTaka

**Warnings:** shounen ai, lots of spoilers, Ryoma POV   
**Disclaimer:** If I owned Prince of Tennis, all the boys would be paired with each other, so that's why I write fanfiction.  
**Summary:** Ryoma thinks about what prompts a person to respect another, and how respect can turn into something more.

**Notes:** Challenge issued to write a fic where Ryoma is in love with Taka first, and to use the word 'epiphany'.  Re-watched a lot of the anime to write this, so hopefully I didn't let you down!

Japanese culture has been engrained in me from the moment I was born.  Even so, being brought up in America had its impact on how I think, how I act.  I know that a kouhai is supposed to respect their senpai, and it's something that I follow, but not something that I really understand.

In America, in New York, people are opinionated; they believe that respect is something earned, not demanded, so the Japanese system was somewhat difficult to get used to.  By evaluating my senpai, by finding facets within each of them that I could hold in esteem, was I able to show them some form of the respect that they were brought up to be their due.

Among the members of the tennis team regulars, it was especially easy, because I had a reason already there.  They obviously had the skills to gain them one of the eight coveted positions, and that was something to respect.  However, sometimes things happen which make me reevaluate a person, think more about them, what makes them tick, what makes them who they are.

The match against Fudomine was the first time that I truly noticed Taka.  I called him Kawamura-senpai, and saw him at practice, saw that he had power in his swings, and was a polite person when off the courts, but I never really noticed him. 

When Taka stepped in front of Fuji to save his friend from Ishida's powerful Hadoukyuu, keeping him from certain injury, at the sacrifice of himself, it made me sit back and think.  Had he been seriously injured, it could have meant the end of his tennis career.  I couldn't think of many people who would take that kind of a chance.

After that, I started watching the senior more closely.  I took note of how much Taka seemed to care about the other members of the tennis club, myself included.  It was truly brought home when I realized that the older boy had gone to speak with Yamabuki's Akutsu about the attack on me before the matches between the two schools.

I noticed his determination in his match against Kabaji of Hyotei, once again risking his hand, his future as a tennis player.  Taka's resolve to not lose, using his opponent's skill as a mimic against him, it spoke volumes to how much he didn't want to lose the match.  He knew it would end up as a no-game, and still he went forward.

I wasn't the only person to take note of these things, even though it did probably take me longer to be able to see them.  These were reasons why the others called him 'Taka-san', instead of any other name that they could possibly come up with.  It showed the respect that everyone had for him. 

This was when I stopped thinking of him as 'Kawamura-senpai', and started thinking of him as 'Taka', although I wasn't aware of it for a long time.  I went on, playing tennis, eating burgers with Momo-senpai, and speculating about Taka in the privacy of my mind. 

I watched him become more powerful as a tennis player, saw the results of this, like in his match with Rokkaku, where we were shown his Dash Hadoukyuu.  I admired him for his strength of body, mind and heart.

Then I had my match with Sanada, my confidence in my abilities shaken almost beyond repair.  I turned to Taka for help, and once again he risked himself, this time only for my own benefit.  He did even more than I originally thought, as I looked up after my match with Akutsu, the match that gave me back my ability to play, and saw him standing there.

A warm feeling filled me then, I still can't truly describe it, something like happiness, contentment, excitement, and nervousness all rolled into one.  Knowledge dawned on me, and while I can't think of a proper word in Japanese, the best I can think of in English is 'epiphany'.  It was then that I realized that my feelings for Taka weren't respect, although that was part of it, but that I cared for him, perhaps even loved him, if you can really know what that is at twelve.

I know he cared for me in his own way, just like he cared for everyone else on the team, but I wanted more than that, yet, I didn't know how to go about it.  My whole being was centered on defeating Sanada, paying him back for what he cost me in terms of confidence.  It was more than that, though, he took away my tennis, and with the help of Taka, I was able to regain it again.

We defeated them, together, and I felt Taka's strength from where he sat on reserve.  He fought alongside us, even if he wasn't playing a match.  Now that I've been able to get past Sanada, past what he took from me, I can look forward past him, past Rikkai.  I can look towards All-Japan, and I can look towards the person whose strength helped me get to this point.

Taka, you're my next goal, and we know that when things are truly important, I don't lose.


End file.
